For most of my life I wanted to feel loved, and I would search for love in the wrong places. I would pursue guys because I thought that having a boyfriend would make me feel loved, and I became addicted to pornography and self-gratification because it made me feel something. I've been a Christian since I was 5 years old, but somewhere along the way that just didn't seem like enough to me. So many people have told me throughout my life that God is love and that I should be pursuing Him to feel loved. That is true, but it can be a hard thing to do for some people. For me it has been hard because I like having someone physically there, someone that I can actually see, feel and hear. I was listening to the song Relentless Pursuit, it is about pursuing God, but it kind of reminded me of my life and how I have been pursuing other things. As I was listening to it I prayed and told God that I when I sing this song I want it to be for Him and about Him. I want my life to be about pursuing God, I no longer want to pursue other things. I need your help with this, I need you all to hold me accountable. If you notice me pursuing a guy, or pursuing anything else let me know and tell me to stop and turn my focus back to God! I will try my best to listen to you.
May God bless you all!
Here is the link for the song if you would like to listen to it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yVxaTvNq534
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Testimony
This is my testimony, I have been encouraged to share it with people and have decided to share it with anyone who reads my blog.
My name is Rebecca, I had been living in bondage to sexual sin, by self-gratifying, for 18 years. It started when I was just 6 years old, at first I didn't know what I was doing, but I knew that it was wrong. As I got older I tried to break free, but nothing I did worked. I started viewing pornography when I was 18, and from there things just kept getting worse. Even though I had been a Christian since I was 5 years old, I was getting further and further away from God, and it was all because of the sin that I was a slave to. Earlier this year I came across the The Way of Purity bible studies through Setting Captives Free, and I decided to enroll in the 60 day lessons. These bible studies have helped me break free from my sexual sin. Without God I would still be living in bondage to sexual sin. I have now been free for just over 2 months! And I have the Lord to thank for that! He has shown me grace and mercy, and has set me free! I am now living to glorify His name!
I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who has been involved with helping me come to freedom.
Thank you Pat Gause for being my mentor during the last few months, you have been a huge help! Thank you so much for praying for me, and supporting me. I really enjoy your emails!
Thank you Jessica Brewster for being my accountability partner. Without you I wouldn't have really known where to go when I needed someone to talk to! Thank you also, for praying for me during this time, please continue to do so. Thanks!
I also want to thank my Mother! Mom, I know I didn't tell you until near the end of the course, and even then I didn't really tell you, you just found out accidentally, but I want to thank you for being so supportive. I really do believe that it was God that showed you that note, because He knew how much I wanted to tell you but I didn't have the courage to do it on my own.
I want to thank anyone else who has helped me along the way, sorry if I didn't mention any of you by name but you know who you are.
I thank God for everything He has done! Without Him none of this would have been possible! Thank you God for showing me mercy and pouring your grace over me! Amen.
2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come.
This is a painting that I did quite a while ago, but I think it has so much more meaning to me now!
It is called "New Creation"
Sunday, April 14, 2013
To Move, or Not To Move?
I have recently decided that I want to move away from Grenfell again. The option that I have been looking in to would be to move to Grande Prairie, because I know I will have somewhere to live for a while, until I could find my own place. There are more reasons to why I want to move up there.. One would be that I already know people in the area, such as my sister (Courtney) and her husband (David) and their children, and David's family, and also friends from when I lived there a few years ago. There is another reason but I am not going to share it right now. This is something that I have definitely been praying about for a while, and will continue to pray about. I want to make sure that I would be moving for the right reasons, and also to make sure that moving is a good idea for me. I like the idea of being closer to my niece and nephew, and also wish that my other nephew could be closer as well. Anyways, I'm actually having difficulty writing today, so I'm going to end there.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Wrting The Story...
For a while now, I have been feeling like I've been the one trying to write my own story. I know it's not supposed to be like that, I know that God is supposed to be writing it for me. A few days ago I came across an instrumental song, I fell in love with it instantly! I listened to it over and over. Today I found out that the song actually has lyrics, so I searched it on youtube. The minute I heard the words I started to cry, it really spoke into my life. The song is called Background and it's by a Christian rapper Lecrae and ft. Andy Mineo (C-Lite). The lyrics will be at the bottom if you want to read them later, and I will attach a link for the song also.
The song is about taking the background and letting God take the lead. I really feel that this song was stuck on my playlist for a reason. Although I had already been feeling that I have been trying to be the lead role, I did need this little reminder. For a lot of my life I have been trying to plan things out, things like marriage, where I'll live, what I'll be doing, etc. I think most of us do that, am I right? Well, I don't think God wants us to be mapping out our own lives, and doing the things that we want to be doing, and going the places we want to go. It's when we do the things we want, that we end up making mistakes. In the second verse of this song he's talking about being in control of our own lives and only trusting in ourselves, and that's how you end up headed for destruction, paving the road to nowhere. We need to trust in God, not ourselves, and we need to let him take control of our lives. He writes our story, we don't!
Almost 2 years ago, when I moved back home, I knew it was for a reason. I ended up getting a good job at the high school, and I started running the youth centre. I thought that I was going to be the manager of the youth centre for quite a long time.. It's almost been 2 years and I am now starting to feel that God is calling me to go somewhere else. I have been feeling this way for a while, but have been trying to push it off and write my own story. I want so badly to stay here and keep running the youth centre, because I fear that if I leave no one else will want to take over and keep it running. But I have to let go of that fear.. It's not up to me what happens, it's up to God, and I trust that He will find someone good to take over. He is God after-all. So now, we must leave this all up to God. We must pray that if this is what He has planned, that He will bring the best candidate for volunteering their time with the youth of the town, and that I will follow His plan and now my own. Sorry, that we will all follow His plan and now our own plans. He is our Creator, our Story Writer, our King.
"It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man." Psalm 118:8
“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
Here is the song lyrics and the link to listen to it on youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHnZRZiCYHE
(Chorus)
I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And You could take the lead
(verse 1)
It's evident you run the show, so let me back down
You take the leading role, and I'll play the background
I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines
I'm sticking to your script, and I'm reading all your signs
I don't need my name in lights, I don't need a starring role
Why gain the whole wide world, If I'm just going lose my soul
And my ways ain't pure if I don't live according to Your Word
I can't endure this life without Your wisdom being heard
So word, to every dancer for a pop star
'Cause we all play the background, but mine's a rockstar
Yeah, so if you need me I'll be stage right
Praying the whole world will start embracing stage fright
So let me fall back, stop giving my suggestions
'Cause when I follow my obsessions, I end up confessing
That I'm not that impressive, matter of fact
I'm who I are, a trail of stardust leading to the superstar
(Chorus)
(Verse 2)
I had a dream that I was captain of my soul
I was master of my fate, lost control, and then I sankSo I don't want to take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakesAll these folks who follow me, gon' end up in the wrong placeSo let me just shadow you, let me trace your linesMatter of fact, just take my pen, here, you create my rhymes'Cause if I do this by myself, I'm scared that I'll succeedAnd no longer trust in you, 'cause I only trust in meAnd see, that's how you end up headed to destructionPaving a road to nowhere, pour your life out for nothingYou pulled my card, I'm bluffing, You know what's in my handMe, I just roll and trust you, You cause the dice to landI'm in control of nothing, follow you at any costSome call it sovereign will, all I know is you the bossMan, I'm so at ease, I'm so contentI'll play the background, like it's an instrument
(Chorus)
(Bridge)
I know I'm safest when I'm in Your will, and trust Your Word
I know I'm dangerous when I trust myself, my vision blurred
And I ain't got no time to play life's foolish games
Got plenty aims, but do they really Glorify Your name
And it's a shame, the way I want to do these things for You, yeah
Don't even cling to you, take time to sit and glean from You
It seems You were patient in my ignorance
If ignorance is bliss, it's 'cause she never heard of this
(Chorus x2)
The song is about taking the background and letting God take the lead. I really feel that this song was stuck on my playlist for a reason. Although I had already been feeling that I have been trying to be the lead role, I did need this little reminder. For a lot of my life I have been trying to plan things out, things like marriage, where I'll live, what I'll be doing, etc. I think most of us do that, am I right? Well, I don't think God wants us to be mapping out our own lives, and doing the things that we want to be doing, and going the places we want to go. It's when we do the things we want, that we end up making mistakes. In the second verse of this song he's talking about being in control of our own lives and only trusting in ourselves, and that's how you end up headed for destruction, paving the road to nowhere. We need to trust in God, not ourselves, and we need to let him take control of our lives. He writes our story, we don't!
Almost 2 years ago, when I moved back home, I knew it was for a reason. I ended up getting a good job at the high school, and I started running the youth centre. I thought that I was going to be the manager of the youth centre for quite a long time.. It's almost been 2 years and I am now starting to feel that God is calling me to go somewhere else. I have been feeling this way for a while, but have been trying to push it off and write my own story. I want so badly to stay here and keep running the youth centre, because I fear that if I leave no one else will want to take over and keep it running. But I have to let go of that fear.. It's not up to me what happens, it's up to God, and I trust that He will find someone good to take over. He is God after-all. So now, we must leave this all up to God. We must pray that if this is what He has planned, that He will bring the best candidate for volunteering their time with the youth of the town, and that I will follow His plan and now my own. Sorry, that we will all follow His plan and now our own plans. He is our Creator, our Story Writer, our King.
"It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man." Psalm 118:8
“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
Here is the song lyrics and the link to listen to it on youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHnZRZiCYHE
(Chorus)
I could play the background
I could play the background
Cause I know sometimes I get in the way
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
So won't You take the lead, lead, lead?
And I could play the background, background
And You could take the lead
(verse 1)
It's evident you run the show, so let me back down
You take the leading role, and I'll play the background
I know I miss my cues, know I forget my lines
I'm sticking to your script, and I'm reading all your signs
I don't need my name in lights, I don't need a starring role
Why gain the whole wide world, If I'm just going lose my soul
And my ways ain't pure if I don't live according to Your Word
I can't endure this life without Your wisdom being heard
So word, to every dancer for a pop star
'Cause we all play the background, but mine's a rockstar
Yeah, so if you need me I'll be stage right
Praying the whole world will start embracing stage fright
So let me fall back, stop giving my suggestions
'Cause when I follow my obsessions, I end up confessing
That I'm not that impressive, matter of fact
I'm who I are, a trail of stardust leading to the superstar
(Chorus)
(Verse 2)
I had a dream that I was captain of my soul
I was master of my fate, lost control, and then I sankSo I don't want to take the lead, 'cause I'm prone to make mistakesAll these folks who follow me, gon' end up in the wrong placeSo let me just shadow you, let me trace your linesMatter of fact, just take my pen, here, you create my rhymes'Cause if I do this by myself, I'm scared that I'll succeedAnd no longer trust in you, 'cause I only trust in meAnd see, that's how you end up headed to destructionPaving a road to nowhere, pour your life out for nothingYou pulled my card, I'm bluffing, You know what's in my handMe, I just roll and trust you, You cause the dice to landI'm in control of nothing, follow you at any costSome call it sovereign will, all I know is you the bossMan, I'm so at ease, I'm so contentI'll play the background, like it's an instrument
(Chorus)
(Bridge)
I know I'm safest when I'm in Your will, and trust Your Word
I know I'm dangerous when I trust myself, my vision blurred
And I ain't got no time to play life's foolish games
Got plenty aims, but do they really Glorify Your name
And it's a shame, the way I want to do these things for You, yeah
Don't even cling to you, take time to sit and glean from You
It seems You were patient in my ignorance
If ignorance is bliss, it's 'cause she never heard of this
(Chorus x2)
Friday, August 31, 2012
Well, it sure has been a while since I last logged in and posted anything on here. I should start doing this more often... Where should I begin? Logging on and reading "Box of Butterflies" has reminded me of a ladies retreat, thing, that was held in Grenfell Apostolic Church a few months ago. We talked and prayed about freedom that night, being free in the Spirit. My mom shared a vision she had. There were butterflies locked in cages and then someone came and put the key in the locks and set them all free. I don't remember it all exactly, but it did create a beautiful picture in my head. That's just a bit of randomness I thought of.
This summer as definitely not been the easiest for me. First of all, I had the whole summer off, because I work at a school, and I decided to take advantage of having a free summer. I applied for EI, but there were some complications and I didn't receive the money until just a few days ago. That added a lot of stress on my part. And some family issues arose just a couple of weeks ago too, which added a little more stress to not only me but my whole family. I did however get the chance to go away a few times this summer, which was fun even if I didn't have money to spend. I went to Family Camp at Springside with a friend. We were the only campers there for a few days. It was a nice little getaway, quiet, fun, etc. It was good time spent well with God. I learned a lot, some of which I hope to share with the church some day through worship. After Family Camp, my friend and I went up to Saskatoon for a few days to visit and reconnect with old friends. I had a good time there, I got to spend time with my close Saskatoon friends, all together in one night!
My next trip happened in August, I flew to BC with my brother. We stayed with our pregnant sister, Melissa, and her husband, Cavan. It was the nicest holiday this summer (sorry Saskatoon and camp). We went hiking, went to the zoo, and went to White Rock. We also got to go to Red Robin (best food ever). And even though I got grouchy sometimes, it was nice to spend time with my sister before she has her baby, and to get away once more before I started work. Speaking of work, I started full-time again at Grenfell High School! That's exciting because in June I had been laid off, so I had applied at some other schools and got half-time at Wolseley High School and half-time here in Grenfell, but then a full-time opened here again and now I got that!
Well that's my life the past few months. I don't really have much more to say except, to those who have been praying for me thank you so much, I really appreciate it! And anyone new to reading this, I would really appreciate your prayers as well. God bless you all, and again thank you so much!
This picture was taken at Greater Vancouver Z00 by some stranger.
Left to right: Cavan Lungren, Melissa (and baby) Lungren, Andrew Dixon, and myself Rebecca Dixon.
This summer as definitely not been the easiest for me. First of all, I had the whole summer off, because I work at a school, and I decided to take advantage of having a free summer. I applied for EI, but there were some complications and I didn't receive the money until just a few days ago. That added a lot of stress on my part. And some family issues arose just a couple of weeks ago too, which added a little more stress to not only me but my whole family. I did however get the chance to go away a few times this summer, which was fun even if I didn't have money to spend. I went to Family Camp at Springside with a friend. We were the only campers there for a few days. It was a nice little getaway, quiet, fun, etc. It was good time spent well with God. I learned a lot, some of which I hope to share with the church some day through worship. After Family Camp, my friend and I went up to Saskatoon for a few days to visit and reconnect with old friends. I had a good time there, I got to spend time with my close Saskatoon friends, all together in one night!
My next trip happened in August, I flew to BC with my brother. We stayed with our pregnant sister, Melissa, and her husband, Cavan. It was the nicest holiday this summer (sorry Saskatoon and camp). We went hiking, went to the zoo, and went to White Rock. We also got to go to Red Robin (best food ever). And even though I got grouchy sometimes, it was nice to spend time with my sister before she has her baby, and to get away once more before I started work. Speaking of work, I started full-time again at Grenfell High School! That's exciting because in June I had been laid off, so I had applied at some other schools and got half-time at Wolseley High School and half-time here in Grenfell, but then a full-time opened here again and now I got that!
Well that's my life the past few months. I don't really have much more to say except, to those who have been praying for me thank you so much, I really appreciate it! And anyone new to reading this, I would really appreciate your prayers as well. God bless you all, and again thank you so much!
Left to right: Cavan Lungren, Melissa (and baby) Lungren, Andrew Dixon, and myself Rebecca Dixon.
Monday, February 6, 2012
He Leads Me Beside Quiet Waters
I can honestly say, I never thought I would be where I am today. I always wanted to get out of Grenfell and make something of myself. Well guess what!.. I just can't stay away from this place! I have come and gone a few times, but this time I am going to stay a while longer. I realize now that I didn't have to leave this small town for God to take me places, He's taking me to higher places right here in this very town. God is doing a lot of work in my life these days. I am a whole new person than I was a year ago, and I owe it all to God! I've been a Christian since I was 5 years old, but I definitely wasn't living a very godly life these last few years. I'll spare the details for now, just because I don't want this post to be too long, and I have other things I would like to say. I will share my testimony another day.
So, right now I am living in Grenfell again, like I said I just can't seem to stay away from the place that I used to always want to leave :P. Everything is good here. I have 2 great jobs! I'm working at the high school as an E.A. and at a families house as a nanny for a couple of hours after work everyday. I am also running a youth centre. Let me tell you something, if anyone ever tells you working with youth is easy, don't believe them! It's not the easiest thing, but it is very rewarding. I love working with them, and I love being a part of all of their lives and encouraging them! That part is fun. Another thing I am involved with is worship. I am a worship leader for a youth worship team in my church. It's not something that I am the most comfortable with, but I needed to step out of my comfort zone. God doesn't want us to sit in little comfortable bubbles, He wants us to step out of our bubbles and praise Him in any way we can! All of these things that I just mentioned are things that I never thought I would be doing. Well I thought I would be an E.A, that's kind of why I took the course :P. Being a nanny for a girl who is disabled, running a youth centre, and being a worship leader are all things that I never thought I would be doing, EVER! But I am, and I am not alone in them. I have so many people helping me and supporting me in any way they possibly can. I have ladies in the church, who are also involved in leading worship, helping me with anything I need help with. I have board members at the youth centre that tell me I need to take some time off to rest and take care of myself (which is a good thing). I have a family, and friends that pray for me and encourage me to do better, and do anything they can to help. Most importantly, I have God, a loving and gracious Father! I give all my thanks and praise to Him, without God I would not be where I am today, and I love everything about this place.
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the
shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence
of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and lovingkindness will
follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
So, right now I am living in Grenfell again, like I said I just can't seem to stay away from the place that I used to always want to leave :P. Everything is good here. I have 2 great jobs! I'm working at the high school as an E.A. and at a families house as a nanny for a couple of hours after work everyday. I am also running a youth centre. Let me tell you something, if anyone ever tells you working with youth is easy, don't believe them! It's not the easiest thing, but it is very rewarding. I love working with them, and I love being a part of all of their lives and encouraging them! That part is fun. Another thing I am involved with is worship. I am a worship leader for a youth worship team in my church. It's not something that I am the most comfortable with, but I needed to step out of my comfort zone. God doesn't want us to sit in little comfortable bubbles, He wants us to step out of our bubbles and praise Him in any way we can! All of these things that I just mentioned are things that I never thought I would be doing. Well I thought I would be an E.A, that's kind of why I took the course :P. Being a nanny for a girl who is disabled, running a youth centre, and being a worship leader are all things that I never thought I would be doing, EVER! But I am, and I am not alone in them. I have so many people helping me and supporting me in any way they possibly can. I have ladies in the church, who are also involved in leading worship, helping me with anything I need help with. I have board members at the youth centre that tell me I need to take some time off to rest and take care of myself (which is a good thing). I have a family, and friends that pray for me and encourage me to do better, and do anything they can to help. Most importantly, I have God, a loving and gracious Father! I give all my thanks and praise to Him, without God I would not be where I am today, and I love everything about this place.
Psalm 23
The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the
shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence
of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and lovingkindness will
follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Praise God!
God has answered a lot of prayers in my life, but this one is big! When I got home from work today, there was a message for me on the answering machine, from the lady that I had my interview with at the school division. I called her and she told me that I got a full time temporary postion at Grenfell High Community school as an EA. I start August 30th, and will be there until May 31st! I am so thankfull and happy right now, and all the thanks goes to God, and everyone who prayed!
1 Chronicles 16:34 Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever.
1 Chronicles 16:34 Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever.
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